I am a 59 year old lesbian woman who wants to talk about lesbian issues. Is that okay with you? Lesbians?
I assured her that I had no issue with lesbians.
S met a 36 year old “semi-divorced” (I didn’t pursue that) woman in church.
Generally my own rule is to keep prayer and pussy separate, but in this case I couldn’t help myself…and neither could she.
Quote of the century? Maybe.
S usually likes to take it slow but in this case they just fell right into sex really fast.
S insisted that this woman is a good person and the sex is good and in one way it is good that it happened so fast because now “the sex part is out of the way”. Of course, she adds, that at her age to have a relationship potential at all is good news.
But S has some reservations:
- Big education disparity. S has a Masters in Education and her new lover just has a high school diploma. And that disparity shows in their conversations…”not always that deep.”
- Other woman has three kids ages 7, 10 and 13 and S “doesn’t want to be raising more kids”
- Other woman is not S’s ideal physical type (though S concedes that “she ain’t God’s gift to women either.”)
So she asks for a creative approach to decide what to do about this new relationship.
It seemed to me that S was really, really harsh in her criticisms of her new lover, certainly in tone. So I asked her
Do you ever just see your new lover or do you only see her with this commentary?
S almost comically rubbed her eyes like she was waking up – she had never really considered that she had this habitual way of looking, and said so… she conceded said that she always sees the commentary. S said it was like a “laundry list of all the marks against her.”
Does reading the laundry list make you feel good?
It didn’t. She said she felt “tense and mean” when she was thinking about it.
I told S that I didn’t know whether she should be with this woman or not – only she did. But that it sounded like the laundry list was getting in the way of her finding out what her feelings were at all. When she dropped the laundry list she might find out something new.
How can I get rid of this list?
I told that the desire to get rid of it helped but that what I offered to her was a question to ask when the list popped up in mind.
I told S to sit still for a moment when the list came up. Then ask “Do I enjoy feeling this way?” and then to ask “Is this criticism actually true?” and then proceed.
The answers to those questions should be ‘No’, right?
She spoke it as if repenting for a crime that she had already committed more than once before.
The answers should be the truth for right then and no other time. Just get still in mind first. Then ask the questions. Then answer them. Then see what the answers do to your state of mind.
S wrote the questions down and said
I am going to try this at least once. Maybe more.
We thanked each other and she was on her way.
So how do your laundry lists get in the way of actually seeing people?
How do you drop them?
Is “keeping pussy and prayer separate” the best quote ever?